From the Chair

The wait is over. The book is here. You may buy one--heck, more than one; they make great gifts. With each purchase of my short story collection, you are telling the world that you support the values of Re:Maines, values of social justice, tolerance, the quest to understand the things that each of us accepts on faith, the beliefs that form the foundation for who we are.

Laying it on a little thick? Ah well, still getting used to this business of promoting my own work. Bottom line: Check out the book. On the sidebar are links to a couple of free samples, stories that appear in the book. If you click the image of the book, you can see what nice things award-winning authors including Cory Doctorow, James Patrick Kelly, and Elizabeth Massie have said about it. And then you can buy one. Tell all your friends. Acquaintances. People sitting next to you on the bus. People waiting for some other bus. People looking at the bus as it passes. Heck, any form of transport! (Except possibly Hummers. I can't see myself having a huge market among Hummer drivers, except maybe the guy who converted his to run on ethanol.) Let's get something started!

See, I'm starting to get the hang of it.

By the way, ex cathedra means, literally, from the bishop's chair (a cathedral is a church that houses the bishop's seat); more specifically, when the Roman Catholic pope makes a statement that is (he so deems it) infallible, he speaks ex cathedra--from the chair of St. Peter. He's supposed to be divinely inspired, serving as the hotline from God, as it were, when he does so.

Am I suggesting by the title that I speak infallibly? Nu-uh. But just as the pope believes he is speaking for God when he speaks ex cathedra, each of us has beliefs that we take as infallible, unquestionable--the things we have faith in, the things we believe without question, even in the face of evidence to the contrary, the things we bend the light of our universe around and still see it as a straight line. What those are for us--as individuals as well as for cultures, religions, nationalities, any other group--that's what defines us. And that's what I am looking to get at in my stories.

That's what the book is about. Buy it and decide how close I've gotten to the truth.

Publishing Purgatory

I don't usually go in for these 'net memes, but I was having the kind of day in which this was particularly apropos.

Packagers who think running spell-check is the same as proofreading
condemned to
Circle I ETERNAL TORMENT WITH BLUE PENCILS

Believers in the Magic Book Machine
condemned to
Circle II A CAREER AS A PRODUCTION EDITOR

Packagers who think doing the PTA newsletter qualifies them to design books
condemned to
Circle III FORCED TO READ ENDLESS ITALIC TEXT IN PALE YELLOW 9-POINT TYPE WITH A RECTO BREAK THAT MAY OR MAY NOT CONTINUE SIX SPREADS LATER

Believers in the Magic Book Machine who work in publishing and should therefore know better
condemned to
Circle IV A CAREER AS A MANAGING EDITOR WITH A STAFF BUDGET OF $0 AND A BROKEN PHOTOCOPIER

Anyone who thinks they know better than the dictionary (they're almost always wrong)
condemned to
Circle V PUMMELING WITH WEB11 FOLLOWED BY A RAIN OF SERIAL COMMAS AND MORE PUMMELING, THIS TIME WITH WEB UNABRIDGED

River Styx

Dan Brown, for proving that you truly don't have to be able to write to be a best-selling author
condemned to
Circle VI ANONYMITY

River Phlegyas

Authors who are "disgusted" that we failed to make a silk purse out of the incomprehensible garbled so-called table in their ms
condemned to
Circle VII SUFFOCATION WITH FOUL MATTER

Authors who draw all over their first-pass pages
condemned to
Circle VIII SLOW DISMEMBERMENT BY PAPER CUTS AND RED PEN

People who fail to do their jobs and then make it my problem
condemned to
Circle IX ETERNITY DOING MY JOB

Design your own hell

Non-Random Acts

Cool things I have seen recently on Park Avenue South:

An ambulance, siren blaring, horn bleating, was stuck in midday traffic. Two guys in business casual stepped out into the intersection, raised their hands to stop anyone entering the intersection from either street, and began directing traffic to clear a path for the ambulance. Once the ambulance made its way through (with clear sailing ahead of it, thanks to these guys stopping everyone), they ambled out of the street and went on their way.

A woman walked out of a sandwich shop with a bag in hand as a homeless man limped past. She looked at the guy, looked at the lunch, looked back at the guy, and handed him the food.

I like humanity. We have it in us to do good stuff.

The Democrats Are the Cubs of Politics

It is unlikely that the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series in the foreseeable future. They have gotten too wrapped up in the "lovable loser" identity to be anything but. At the same time, management has figured out that, thanks to that ol' lovable loser thing (and a really fine ballpark in which to enjoy an afternoon) they can fill the stands, sell TV ads, and generally make money hand over fist without actually fielding a winning team--so why bother fielding a winning team? Why mess with (lack of) success?

I see the Democratic Party starting to head in the same direction, and it's taking them a hell of a lot less time since they were last winners. They've just gotten comfortable saying, oh dear, oh my, we're out of power so we can't do anything (and you can't blame us for anything). But hey, if you aren't the ruling party, you don't have to speak up too loud against the repressive and un-American "Patriot" Act, you don't have to do anything to stop a war of choice in Iraq . . . and so forth. Because you're not in power, so what good would it do? But you can still get wined and dined by lobbyists and all that good stuff, without any responsibility. So why not shoot yourself in the foot? Again, and again, and again? You got a good thing going; why mess with (lack of) success?

So what we need around here is some upstart White Sox in politics--an alternative, hungry to win and willing to fight for it. Anybody want to take on the mantle?

Addendum: Rex Saxi sends this my way, suggesting that perhaps the Democrats have an organized strategy of losing for reasons bearing a striking resemblance to the ones I cite. Except that they think it'll help them win in 2008--the 100th anniversary of the last Cubs World Series win. Coincidence? Or is there a super-secret Democrats-as-Cubs master plan?!

Laugh Riot

I didn't see anything about this in any of the papers I read (actually, surf--I seldom buy a paper paper, and most of the papers I read aren't available where I live--I like other people's news, preferably in other people's languages, way better than my own; perhaps the news is less depressing with that distance). But I did see it on the French newscast that one of our public television stations carries.

First, you have to know that strikes and protest marches are as common as rain in France. No, more common. There's one just about every week. If the weather is nice, it's like a day at the park--you bring your kids and go protesting or marching or striking. If the weather is not so nice, you leave the kids home and go protesting or marching or striking.

Okay, so the other day there was a protest by circus and carnival workers. They were upset because development in center cities is forcing them to set up their traveling shows in the suburbs rather than downtown, and fewer people come if the circus or carnival isn't right in the heart of things.

For some reason at the outset of this protest, violence erupted. Things were burning and there was tear gas and so forth, and police in riot gear--the whole magilla. Then they sorted that out and the march went on, looking for all intents and purposes like a circus parade, with floats and clowns and THAT whole magilla.

I do like and understand most things French, but this whole series of events just struck me as weird and inexplicable. Clowns rioting? And then parading, as if nothing happened? This is the point at which I just can't quite bridge the culture gap.

But then I never did get the appeal of the circus anyway. Maybe it's not a French thing, it's a clown thing. Either way, I remain baffled.

Mayday

More than seventeen hundred Americans--and uncounted Iraqis--dead since George W. Bush declared "Mission accomplished." One can't help but wonder what the mission is that was accomplished: Proving the American congress and people to be gullible and easily manipulated into war under false pretences? Creating a war so that the White House can use it to hide behind as they assault our civil liberties and call anyone who disagrees a traitor? Set the scene for a series of wars of opportunity to further destabilize the Mideast? Fight jihad with crusade in a medieval duel of fanaticisms?

On this day in which immigrants are demonstrating for the right to be included in all aspects of American society, I say welcome to people from the rest of the world. We need you. We need your votes in opposition to this path. We need the help of the rest of the world to rescue us from our own misbegotten government.